Fall is a season of transition. We move from the fullness of summer into the barrenness of winter, from life to death. Some churches acknowledge “All Saints Day” as a time to honor our “saints” who are now in the presence of Jesus. While “All Saints Day” is a scheduled time to honor the memory of people who have died, individuals and families continue to face other kinds of loss. Grieving well is an important process to help us recover from significant loss. Grief allows us to express our anger, sorrow, and sadness. We acknowledge those options that are no longer before us, and gradually open our hearts to the “something new” that God has in store for us. An important part of grieving well is to recognize God’s grace that sustains us during our time of pain if we let God come alongside of us through the ministry of the Holy Spirit and members of the Body of Christ. Each person will grieve differently, shaped by age, gender, culture, and personality. Grief is the process through which “weeping may spend the night but there is joy in the morning” [Ps. 30:5, CEB].
What losses are you or your loved ones grieving?
In Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, Peter Scazzero recommend the following steps to grieve well.
- Pay Attention. You may have plenty of space for the joy of the Lord. Do you have equivalent space to acknowledge your sadness, sorrow, and even anger over your losses? Pay attention to how you feel. You can own your confusion, sorrow, and even anger over your loss, and continue to be grateful to God for your life, for God’s blessings, and for God’s presence. Job was brutally honest before God about how he felt about his losses, and he persevered in his relationship with God during this dark time. How well do you acknowledge the pain that is associated with your loss?
- Wait in the Confusing In-Between. Some version of “why” is the first question you may raise in the face of loss. Your friends may offer you their answers to your why, and you may discover, like Job did, that only waiting for God to open your heart and eyes provides a “good enough” answer. It is even possible that you may never have a satisfactory answer to “why.” But you do know “who.” God’s response to Job’s why is to reveal more of who God is to Job. Who can wait well with you in the confusing in-between?
- Embrace the gift of limits. Loss reveals our limits. No one lives forever because our body weakens with age. Our careers have limits to how far they may take us or how satisfying they may be. Our gifts and talents have limits. We may not experience the fullest expression of our hopes and dreams. How easily do you embrace the limits that are revealed through your loss?
- Embrace humility. Embracing our limits transforms into embracing humility. God runs the Universe after all, not you or me. In humility we have another opportunity to acknowledge that we are the creation not the Creator. We are the clay, not the Potter. God steps into (not onto) our hearts when we humble ourselves before Him. Are you ready to give your anger and resentment to God and experience the transforming posture of humility?
- Let the old birth the new. When you grieve well, you not only let go of what was or what we hoped would be, you are now ready to receive that will be “new.” This will take time and you will need patience. Sometimes you are so attached to the “old” that you have no space to receive the “new.” Nor can you dictate what the “new” will look like. This is where your trust in God comes in. How easily can you trust in God’s loving faithfulness to receive the “new” in God’s time?
Resources
Peter Scazzero, Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, Chapter 5: Enlarge Your Soul through Grief and Loss. Zondervan.
How Your Brain Copes with Grief and Why It Takes Time to Heal. https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2021/12/20/1056741090/grief-loss-holiday-brain-healing
Beth Allen Slevcove, Broken Hallelujahs, Part III: Inviting Hope. InterVarsity Press, 2016.
Emotional contributor: Virginia T. Holeman, PhD., LMFT, LPCC, Retired Chair of the Department of Counseling and Pastoral Care, Asbury Theological Seminary
Executive editor: Johanna Rugh
Curator of content: Carla Working
